Liquid Sunshine: The Beauty of End of Summer

On Sunday, August 13th, the day I turned 11 years sober, I looked up at the Caribbean sky, as some heavy dark clouds swiftly passed by the smaller white ones. 

As the clouds moved, a friend, on Zoom, talked about impermanence. A few drops of rain fell on my tanned legs.

I looked up, and tried to create a story, but the feelings were so complex that all I could do was witnessing. 

“It’s only liquid sunshine,” Ellroy smiled as he passed me by, grabbing a wet towel from the chair next to mine. Some guests had left a few minutes earlier when the sky had begun to darken. 

It was 3:30 in the afternoon. The water, on the island of Parrot Cay, in the Turks and Caicos, was a thousand shades of turquoise. 

I was happy. 

Just a few days before, however, in Florida, I had gone through a rough depression. 

This got me thinking about what makes me happy, for real, not in the delivery of a thrill, a self-righteous success that tastes like revenge — because I know those well, I work nonstop for them — I know what I’m doing, when I call them happiness. In fact, they never seem to be enough, they never satisfy my want and need for more.

Happiness, I got to understand as I witnessed the drops of sunshine on my thighs dry up with the breeze, is the feeling of home, of grounding, of anchoring to my center. My center is little me around 13 years of age; I remember that center now. 

You know what’s strange? 

I don’t really connect with that center when the sky (life) is bright blue. I connect with it when I become aware of some kind of ending, the rain coming, the change happening. 

I find it when seasons intersect, at the bordering of summer and fall, or when winter approaches, when I smell the first jasmine in May. I find it when I can remember where I was at the age of 13, when I remember the mountains, the dry Föhn blowing on the Alps, the view from my old bedroom, on Via Gramsci, 17, my maternal grandparents, listening to Enya and Gregorian chants to feel a connection with something higher than myself. 

****

I wrote all that on the plane back from my vacation. 

This part, I am writing the day this newsletter goes out. It’s August 31^st. 

Catherine has started Kindergarten, and we are adapting to all that is new. 

Circumstances also have changed. When we all returned home, some scary unexpected happened to our lives (more on this when time comes). 

I had almost forgotten about all that I had written on the plane. But as I asked myself questions in order to finish this essay, I realized I was actually okay.  

I thought that, from Parrot Cay, I had only brought home their signature Invigorate body lotion, with essential oils of eucalyptus, geranium, and lavender. I use it every morning, to find my center again, to return to that beach on August 13^th, now that there are dark clouds on the horizon. 

So, I inhale the essential oil that reminds of the island, and I think: “The clouds will pass, Alice. It’s only liquid sunshine.”  

Then I remember my friend talking about impermanence on Zoom. 

I have a feeling that the trust and serenity I still get to experience, with the clouds darkening again, isn’t the effect of a lotion; rather the work I have done to get here, to my center, and because of the people I am lucky to call friends.

See you in September.

Ps. Starting today, and through September 30^th, you can pre-order the Fall Culinary Box on the website HERE.

You can order up to two (2) per person (with two separate transactions.) 

This box is beautiful. I curated it with love, and I selected some of the finest products at the Hollwyood Farmers Market and from small businesses and artisans (that happen to be woman-owned and founded), in Southern California. 

This box (that ships mid-October after pre-ordering) is perfect for your holiday presents, or to treat yourself with the highest quality ingredients. 

It includes:

Full size Cinnamon & Pear infused balsamic vinegar aged in Modena for 18 years by Ojai Olive Oil

Chinner’s Roadie Hot Sauce by the one and only, Chinner

Full size Spiced Cherry Preserve by the legendary Murray’s Family Farms

Full size Cardamom Hill Granola by Bearclaw Kitchen

Herbal Cacao Husk by Vices and Spices

Poppies in a Tin by The Crowd Went Wild

Bûnet (Amaretto & Chocolate) Cookie Mix by The Italian Cookie

Handmade Ceramic bowl by the amazing Alison Kate Diamond

You can pre-order yours until September 30^th. 

Thank you for supporting my endeavor and the small businesses I partner with. I promise this will make the best presents for you and your loved ones.