What Joan Didion Taught Me, and the New Year Ahead

We tell ourselves stories in order to live,

Joan Didion wrote in 1979.

The White Album, where this quote is from, wasn’t the first work of hers I read.

Blue Nights was.

When I moved to America, in 2010, I didn’t know who Joan Didion was. I didn’t know I could write, let alone in a language that wasn’t my native one; I didn’t know I had to write, but I did know I had been telling stories all my life in order to survive, to live, to be.

Joan Didion, from a distance, taught me how to write in English. She taught me how to stay in the pain of a migraine, how to ride its wave, and more in general, how to ride the waives of life. She made grief something I could survive, she gave me strength and hope, she helped me dream big, she gave me the tools for what was to come, for what will come, for what is.

I extensively wrote about her, emulated her, studied her, and ultimately, I stopped making her writing about me and enjoyed her. The cover photo for this newsletter, taken by Riccardo Monti in 2014, was inspired by her. It was her I had in mind when I posed in front of Canter’s Deli, in Los Angeles, wearing my NSF trench coat that I have regrettably lost somewhere.

Joan Didion passed away on December 23rd. 

December has been a strange month, one of acceptance and change, one of trust, disappointment and excitement.

Many things have changed: some friendships helped me see things in a different light, people have left my life, others have joined and I began to feel a deep connection with them; some have shown their true colors, but many have confirmed their presence, their deep rooting in my life. I am grateful for all of that, for the sweet and for the bitter. 

The older I get, the less bitter bothers my tongue; like blanching chicory before sautéing it; I have started to embrace bitterness and learn from it, I blanch it, so I can taste the good in it. 

I had to change the strategy in my book promotion, and making that decision sparked fear, disappointment, self-pity. But then I saw the amazing work my publisher did with the book, that is being printed as I type, and I knew instinctively, that everything was going to be just fine.

Christmas wasn’t what I thought it would be, it was much better!

It was perfect the way it was, all sick with a cold, but in the precious company of our friend Erica: we played Candiland (thank you Cynthia, I love you more than words can tell), and watched Elf, after eating polenta with tomato sauce and mushrooms, as well as a generous slice of good panettone, the traditional one, with candied orange and raisins.

December, more than any other month this year, has been the month of staying in what was: marital problems that seemed destined to the worst outcome and that transformed not only into a reconciliation, but into a chance for real change and improvement, for genuine and unconditional love rediscovered when ready.

I encountered more professional closed doors, that on this occasion transformed into curiosity for where the change of direction could take me. Redirection is such a fascinating word full of possibilities, isn’t it?

Last but not least, I had to change the way I have moved my body for years. I faced the truth, I was hurting myself without seeing positive results, and I stayed in the fear of what the change would bring. Nothing bad happened. 

Everything I was afraid of did not happen. I was fear.

I am not fear today.

What a way to end this year and start the new one! 

Happy New Year, my friends.

 

A few updates:

– I discovered a new perfume and can’t get enough of it, Pure Noir by Anine Bing

– I will soon share with you the link to pre-order the book: let’s make it a best seller guys! I need your help! The book will also be available in some pretty special places here in Los Angeles.

– I am not doing Tracy Anderson any more, and my pain went away. I have been doing Peleton and love it, especially Barre classes

– We love our new nanny

– We signed up for Catherine’s first ballet class

– Catherine turned 4 on December 16th, I made her a pistachio and rosewater rainbow cake and it was just perfect

– We are all still Covid free and so is my family in Italy

– Yes, I am watching And Just Like That

 

Love,

Alice