Summer, Fear of What’s Different, and Emotional Lockdown

Hi guys,

how are you?

I have been waiting until the very last minute to publish the June newsletter because I have been preparing for my trip to Italy, which wasn’t the easiest, this time.

The preparation wasn’t smooth and serene because, as much as I wanted to see my parents, my friends and my home country, I have never had so many mixed feelings about leaving Los Angeles, surrounded by the small group of people I trust, love, and that have become my chosen tribe.

Truth is, I have never been more reluctant to leave the known for the unknown.

We touched on this topic during the last episode of Instagram to Table, the anniversary one: Do you remember we talked about the comfort and safety of the lockdown, of staying at home, versus the the vulnerability that comes with the unknown at the very essence of travel?

During the long lockdown, this past year and a half of distanced living, I, like most of us, have created a bubble of people that not only could I blindly trust, but that were also “like me”: people who think like me, behave like me, are safe like me, vote like me, believe what I believe in, care like me, eat like me, etcetera. I am not necessarily saying this is a good thing, but it surely is comfortable, safe, and familiar.

Lately, because of how divided our country (and the world at large) is, it’s become increasingly difficult for us to have conversations about the differences of thought without completely eliminating those who think differently from us. When was the last time we asked someone simply “why” they “fill in the blank” a certain way?

Asking “why”, in fact, sparks a conversation, perhaps an argument or a debate. But lack of sparks also means death, extinction, silence.

A few months ago I asked my father:

“Why do you think the way you do?”

It was political.

“I don’t want to change your mind,”

I told him.

“And I am not asking this so you ask my reasons,”

I added.

I genuinely wanted to know the reasons behind his thinking and choices, in order to understand. Because real change can only happen through understanding.

I still strongly disagree with most of his views, but the humility to ask “why” gave me (and him, I believe) some closure.

I still think that some topics have no room for differences of thought. But as for others, we must find the space for the “in-between”, or we’ll have more and more difficulties not only traveling abroad, but also talking to our neighbors, going to work, starting spontaneous conversations with people we meet throughout the day, with strangers, with potential new friends. The world is becoming smaller and smaller, and not in a good way.

I left home very young, ready for the adventure, the challenge, the dream. I loved traveling. How have I become terrified of what’s different?

I am sharing this worry because one of the things I love the most about our online community is that, even though we don’t agree on everything, we have not given up on each other; we meet weekly, we are growing, we are deepening our connection, we are learning from each other, and we are widening our horizons. And widening horizons doesn’t mean going against our beliefs, but rather enhancing our compassion, our curiosity, and ultimately creating real, genuine, and long-lasting change.

Change can’t be preached. Change happens when we lead by example.

I arrived in Avigliana, my hometown, on Sunday morning, and I have not yet adventured out much (also because as I am writing, on Tuesday afternoon, I have still not received my luggage. Also, this time around, jet lag is hitting me hard with depression). But when I am ready, and when I have my own clothes back, I have to be open to what is different. I can decide what my boundaries are, of course, what is not negotiable, what is, and what can be, maybe not now, but tomorrow, perhaps.

If I don’t do that, I will build higher and higher walls of division that one day will stop making me feel safe; walls will weaken my ability and skill to not only survive in the current state of affairs, but actually thrive.

At this point in my life, surviving is no longer enough.

***

A few updates:

– I did my eyebrows and hair at Striiike salon, in Los Angeles, and I am so happy with it. Thank you Kristie and Briana!

– Remember that, for the entire summer, the show will be live on Instagram every Sunday at 10 am Pacific, 1 pm Eastern, starting July 4th.

– The book is coming along beautifully!

– I have partnered with Oxfam America by sharing a recipe of mine, to call on world leaders to share the recipe of the vaccine with the countries most in need. More to come on that tomorrow, June 30th, on my Instagram and Twitter feed.

– I have been dealing with buried sexual trauma. I openly talk about it because I have been the prisoner of what happened for years, and I want every woman to know that abuse has so many forms, so many behaviors, so many causes. I think that one of the reasons I knew I had to come to Italy this summer was to deal, once and for all, with what has imprisoned me for the past 20 years. I have to do it for myself, for my marriage, for my daughter.

– I have finally started watching Taste the Nation and I love it. I watched a few episodes on the plane, and it helped me embrace whatever is that I have to taste, experience, learn, process here in Italy. Because in order to transmit something, I have to know where I come from, emotionally, and culinarily.

– My web team and I are at work on a website update and remodel, so be ready for something new in the fall, in preparation for the book launch.

– My new guilty pleasure? Below Deck (Thank you Erica!!!)

Happy summer guys. I love you.

See you next month, and see you on Instagram.