Expectations, Nora Ephron, & the Summer Ahead

Hi guys, 

I am writing this from a tire shop on Van Nuys Blvd — a screw got stuck in my front right tire. Thankfully, it’s an easy and free fix, but I hadn’t expected spending two hours on Van Nuys Blvd on May 30th, with all the work I had to do and this newsletter to write.

I finished shipping the first round of culinary boxes, and once more, I have to thank so many of you who, by purchasing it, helped me make it an ENORMOUS, unexpected success. 

I think that expectation is this month’s theme. 

On May 8th, Ben and I were about to put an offer on a house. I expected that Monday to be the “best day ever”, as we were finally ready to move forward (I had been wanting to sell our house since the day we moved in, in 2018).

So the last thing I expected, after much meditating on it, and asking for guidance on what to do, was to have a profound intuition against buying the new property. Something else I did not expect, was the incredible sense of relief I experienced when I embraced that we were supposed to actually fix ours, make the changes we desired, instead of buying something new in a time when buying isn’t the wisest thing to do. All of a sudden, I began to see the potential our beautiful house had. All of a sudden, I realized how blessed we were with our unobstructed view of the park and the city — even the ocean, on a good day.

I didn’t expect to finally let go of all that had been done wrong in the house. I didn’t expect to finally bask in all that I had, in how lucky I was.

Expectations…they make no sense.

I was hoping for a first big hit with the launch of the summer culinary box, but I was not expecting such a huge success to require help packing them. 

I didn’t expect to find some of the most important friendships I have ever had, during these three years of Catherine’s pre-school.

I expected fame, when I published my cookbook; it did not happen. 

The amount of energy I waste, every day, expecting or not expecting, has helped me reflect upon the way I live life: all in, reaching at once for the highest and the lowest, a way of living that often leaves me drained. 

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I am waiting in a tire shop today, with ho headphones or distractions. I don’t think it’s a coincidence I keep getting sick. My body is asking for change.  

A few weeks ago, my girlfriends and I met  for our monthly (or bi—monthly I should say) book club discussion. 

We had read Nora Ephron’s “I Feel Bad About My Neck”, and I had mixed feelings about the book. I had never read Ephron before, and as a writer myself, I thought, I should. 

I expected to find hints of Joan Didion in it, and if you have read even just one book of each writer, you know there is no Didion in Ephron. 

As we moved through the discussion of the essays in the book, I noticed my strong expectation adapting, transforming, softening, evolving, moving from the book to my life: marital, personal, professional. 

From my initial “I really did not like this book”, I started considering other angles, different points of view, possibilities. What was interesting, was how my absoluteness of judgment transformed to an arguable opinion, hard corners became smooth edges. 

A friend who had listened to the book on tape, narrated by Ephron herself, pointed out how, taking into consideration the tone of her writing voice and of her sense of humor, what had seemed to me an unnecessary story could actually become, if not hilarious, kind of humorous. 

It was okay to not like the book. It was okay to not have been transformed by it.

“That’s how I live life,” I told my friends, “I always expect to learn life-changing lessons; I throw myself into life intensely and without reserves, expecting transformations and revolutions.”

One of the things I often bring up in both my personal and couple therapy, is the heaviness of life. By “bringing up”, of course, I mean blaming others for it. 

During this month of met and unmet expectations, I came to the realization that I bring a lot of heaviness into life, as expectations weigh tons. 

So as I keep learning to listen to intuition, as I begin to lean into who I am, the beautiful grown woman who wears no eye make up but never skimps on a red lip, who still fights the frizz in her hair and, occasionally, the size of her hips, but who is starting to love her overall figure and the energy she brings into the world, I try to expect less and trust more. 

I try to lean into life at life’s terms without a grudge but with curiosity.

For the heaviness of a grudge has never taken me far. 

• With the help of a friend, I am rebuilding the website; soon you’ll be able to purchase my cookie mixes, culinary boxes and cooking classes directly from these beautiful pages. 
• We are getting ready to start a major house renovation.
• I have finally finished my Invisilign journey!
• I am letting my hair grow a bit, please remind me when I tell you I am getting a haircut 
• I am about to officially launch my cookie mixes, so stay tuned for that.
• I have added a couple of recipes to the recipe page, go check them out
• On Mother’s Day weekend the entire pre-school class went to El Capitan Canyon (cover photo above), glamping. It was one of the most magical experiences I have had, and I am so grateful for the group of moms I can call friends. The crack of sun through the heavy marine layer, I thought, was the perfect metaphor for the nonsense of expectations.

See you next month,

Love,

Alice