{"id":8310,"date":"2021-10-30T11:32:05","date_gmt":"2021-10-30T18:32:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.alicecarbone.com\/?p=8310"},"modified":"2021-10-30T11:32:07","modified_gmt":"2021-10-30T18:32:07","slug":"resilience-ill-be-clumsy-instead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alicecarbone.com\/staging\/2381\/resilience-ill-be-clumsy-instead\/","title":{"rendered":"Resilience: I’ll Be Clumsy Instead"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi guys,<\/p>\n

how are you? How was October?<\/p>\n

This month for me, I’ll go straight to the point, has been about resilience.<\/p>\n

The past 5 years have been. The last two, obviously, even more. If we look back, our entire existence is about resilience.<\/p>\n

I will use a minor, mundane example to explain how I got to thinking about our capacity to recover and get back up, more generally, throughout our lives.<\/p>\n

As you know, Elis, Catherine’s nanny, quit a month ago, suddenly. And when it happened, I was terrified, heartbroken, lost. A part of me, because of how much of me Catherine has always needed, I admit I was scared of the time we would spend together.<\/p>\n

When I used to nurse her (until she was 16 months), and she wouldn’t let go of my breasts, of my body, I feared not giving her enough nourishment, love, protection; now, in a way, I had the same fear.<\/p>\n

Today, a month later, after several adjustments, I am thriving in my new life with Catherine. I love being her mother more than anything in the world. Fear disappeared the moment I took action.<\/p>\n

Now, this is a minor setback, of course, losing a nanny.<\/p>\n

But it is during the minor setbacks that we can learn the lessons we will need during major life events. When Elis left, I looked back at my life and realized what a resilient woman I am. We are resilient beings, all of us. When we walk life one day at a time, not only we can survive anything that gets thrown at us, or that we encounter on our path, but we can actually make something out it, thrive in the post-challenge scenario, transform any challenge, health related, marital, personal, spiritual, professional, into an instrument of change, service, and purpose.<\/p>\n

Resilience is not perfection, however.<\/p>\n

Being resilient doesn’t imply we do it gracefully all the time. I am very clumsy at it.<\/p>\n

For a long time, I lived my life afraid of suffering and scarcity.<\/p>\n

Whenever I looked at the big picture of life I feared loss, failure, pain, disaster, war.<\/p>\n

But today, I no longer focus on the big picture, and that does the trick for me.<\/p>\n

I wake up every day asking for guidance: I look at the incredibly inspiring people I have around me, and who have done this before, getting over cancer, death, divorce, bankruptcy, darkness…and transforming their experience into a success story. I look at my own life, to what I<\/em> overcame. And I am no longer afraid.<\/p>\n

A few years back, when we met in London, my therapist gave Catherine the beautiful book “We Are Going on A Bear Hunt<\/a>“, by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury:<\/p>\n

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We’re going on a bear hunt. We’re going catch a big one. What a beautiful day!<\/em>
\nWe’re not scared.<\/em><\/p>\n

Uh-uh!<\/em>
\nA river!<\/em>
\nA deep cold river. We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh no!<\/em>
\nWe’ve got to go through it!<\/em>
\nSplash splosh! Splash splosh! Splash splosh!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

I can’t help but wonder if that book, ultimately, was meant for me as well.<\/p>\n

We have to go through it. We will always get through it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, a few updates:<\/em><\/p>\n

– I have a renewed love for broccoli;<\/p>\n

– I am obsessed with Molchat Doma<\/a> (Houses Are Silent), a Belarusian dark wave band;<\/p>\n

– we have found a wonderful nanny that comes a few hours a week when I work, and it’s been a blessing;<\/p>\n

– I have received the first two blurbs for the book, and they are the most beautiful sentiments a peer has ever said of me and my work;<\/p>\n

– For Halloween, Catherine is going to be a witch and a box of pasta;\"\"<\/p>\n

– Catherine’s teacher, suggested I’d buy a Buddha’s board for Catherine, a board on which you paint with water, and that helps meditation, relaxation, mindfulness. I didn’t know how much I would love that for my own relaxation. It reminded me that we never know where teachings and inspiration will come from; so let’s walk the walk with an open heart, and we won’t miss the next indicated action.<\/p>\n

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If I have a bag of rocks to carry as I go<\/p>\n

I just want to hold my head up high<\/p>\n

I don’t care what I have to step over<\/p>\n

I’m prepared to look you in the eye<\/p>\n

Look me in the eye<\/p>\n

And if you see familiarity<\/p>\n

Then celebrate the contradiction<\/p>\n

Help me when I fall to<\/p>\n

Walk unafraid\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ll be clumsy instead<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

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R.E.M, Walk Unafraid<\/a><\/p>\n