We tell ourselves stories in order to live,

Joan Didion wrote in 1979.

The White Album, where this quote is from, wasn’t the first work of hers I read.

Blue Nights was.

When I moved to America, in 2010, I didn’t know who Joan Didion was. I didn’t know I could write, let alone in a language that wasn’t my native one; I didn’t know I had to write, but I did know I had been telling stories all my life in order to survive, to live, to be.

Joan Didion, from a distance, taught me how to write in English. She taught me how to stay in the pain of a migraine, how to ride its wave, and more in general, how to ride the waives of life. She made grief something I could survive, she gave me strength and hope, she helped me dream big, she gave me the tools for what was to come, for what will come, for what is.

I extensively wrote about her, emulated her, studied her, and ultimately, I stopped making her writing about me and enjoyed her. The cover photo for this newsletter, taken by Riccardo Monti in 2014, was inspired by her. It was her I had in mind when I posed in front of Canter’s Deli, in Los Angeles, wearing my NSF trench coat that I have regrettably lost somewhere.

Joan Didion passed away on December 23rd. 

December has been a strange month, one of acceptance and change, one of trust, disappointment and excitement.

Many things have changed: some friendships helped me see things in a different light, people have left my life, others have joined and I began to feel a deep connection with them; some have shown their true colors, but many have confirmed their presence, their deep rooting in my life. I am grateful for all of that, for the sweet and for the bitter. 

The older I get, the less bitter bothers my tongue; like blanching chicory before sautéing it; I have started to embrace bitterness and learn from it, I blanch it, so I can taste the good in it. 

I had to change the strategy in my book promotion, and making that decision sparked fear, disappointment, self-pity. But then I saw the amazing work my publisher did with the book, that is being printed as I type, and I knew instinctively, that everything was going to be just fine.

Christmas wasn’t what I thought it would be, it was much better!

It was perfect the way it was, all sick with a cold, but in the precious company of our friend Erica: we played Candiland (thank you Cynthia, I love you more than words can tell), and watched Elf, after eating polenta with tomato sauce and mushrooms, as well as a generous slice of good panettone, the traditional one, with candied orange and raisins.

December, more than any other month this year, has been the month of staying in what was: marital problems that seemed destined to the worst outcome and that transformed not only into a reconciliation, but into a chance for real change and improvement, for genuine and unconditional love rediscovered when ready.

I encountered more professional closed doors, that on this occasion transformed into curiosity for where the change of direction could take me. Redirection is such a fascinating word full of possibilities, isn’t it?

Last but not least, I had to change the way I have moved my body for years. I faced the truth, I was hurting myself without seeing positive results, and I stayed in the fear of what the change would bring. Nothing bad happened. 

Everything I was afraid of did not happen. I was fear.

I am not fear today.

What a way to end this year and start the new one! 

Happy New Year, my friends.

A few updates:

– I discovered a new perfume and can’t get enough of it, Pure Noir by Anine Bing

– I will soon share with you the link to pre-order the book: let’s make it a best seller guys! I need your help! The book will also be available in some pretty special places here in Los Angeles.

– I am not doing Tracy Anderson any more, and my pain went away. I have been doing Peleton and love it, especially Barre classes

– We love our new nanny

– We signed up for Catherine’s first ballet class

– Catherine turned 4 on December 16th, I made her a pistachio and rosewater rainbow cake and it was just perfect

– We are all still Covid free and so is my family in Italy

– Yes, I am watching And Just Like That

Love,

Alice